Johnsinclair.us - The official John Sinclair website. http://localhost/backup/poetry/72.html Tue, 16 Feb 2021 10:39:46 +0000 Joomla! 1.5 - Open Source Content Management en-gb http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/208-21-qthat-old-manq.html http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/208-21-qthat-old-manq.html #119

"that old man"

for penny


robert lowell said,
"living without you
is like learning to walk"

but twice now i've had
to learn to walk, & living
without you in my life

is a much harder proposition,
more difficult indeed
than simply growing old alone,

but how old
can a man get
who has already lived twice

as long as he ever in-
tended, every day
is a whole new thing

never before contemplated
or even imagined
but a gift

from the gods
who administer our sentences
with their twisted sense of humor

& when the beatles
asked the question
so long ago, will you still

need me, will you
still feed me
when i'm sixty-four?

the answer
is not at all the one
i had expected, of course,

but i'll keep on living
as long as i can
& make the most of it

as best as i am able, a-
wash in the love of my daughters
& my incredible granddaughter

& my treasured friends
& countless co-conspirators
wherever i go--

that old man,
still alive & kicking
with both feet



--amsterdam
september 28/
october 2, 2005


]]> johnsinclair001@hotmail.com (John) I Mean You Sat, 17 Dec 2005 23:38:10 +0000 http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/207-20-qill-follow-youq.html http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/207-20-qill-follow-youq.html #40

"i'll follow you"

for penny


i've spent more
than a quarter of a century
with you em-
bedded at the center
of my life, & i'm still

just as crazy
about you as i've
always been, even though
we've been a-
part these two

& a half years, & you
may never join me
in the life i'm seeking
on the other side
of the atlantic ocean, but now

i'm right here
in the motor city
& you don't want to see me,
i guess i thought
you would never leave me be-

hind, but how wrong
can a motherfucker be,
& now it would seem
that you ve started
a new life for yourself

without me in it,
& i wouldn't blame you,
to find another man
who can be there for you
when you need him, & help you

with your troubles,
& hold you
through the cold detroit nights
& bring you the semblance of happiness
i know you deserve -- oh,

if i've lost you
i ve lost the love
of my life, heart
of my heart, lover
of my wildest dreams,

forgiver of my trespasses,
faithful wife & companion
& partner in crime
as long as you could stand it,
you've followed me so long

against all possible odds
& i can feel you turning a-
way from me
although not a word
has been spoken

but if you don't want me
i won't stand in your way,
if i can't make it be right
& there's no happy ending
to our protracted romance

i wish you the best,
my baby,
all the best of everything
i wish i could give you
for the rest of your life



--detroit
august 20/30-31, 2005/
amsterdam
october 10, 2005


]]> johnsinclair001@hotmail.com (John) I Mean You Sat, 17 Dec 2005 23:35:19 +0000 http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/206-19-qcriss-crossq.html http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/206-19-qcriss-crossq.html #30

criss cross 

for penny,
on our 15th wedding anniversary


ever since that night
at cobb's corner
in 1979, when i saw you criss-

crossing the floor, your perfect ass a-
swing & a-sway, oh
it was love

at first sight, & i ve stayed that way
through all the crazy changes
we managed to endure, criss-

crossing in & out
of each other's lives, splitting up
& coming back together

so many times, until we were joined
as husband & wife at last
on that bright first day of 1989 

& 15 years later, i still love you
more every day, & i ll keep on loving you
as long as i have life

& if I have to be so far a-
way from you
on this lucky day, i m out here criss-

crossing the ocean to find
a place where i can bring you
to live out our days together, baby,

oh yeah happily ever after



 amsterdam
december 26, 2003/
s-graveland
january 3, 2004/
rotterdam
january 7, 2004


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sixteen 

( unorthodoxy )

for penny


i ve been in love with you
for sixteen years, since the night
i first spotted you
across the room at cobb's corner

& through all the ups
& downs our course
has laid for us, two headstrong lovers
determined to get what we want

from each other, & from
the world at large, un-
orthodox to the bone
but just as much in love with each other

as any two people can be 
baby, now it's seven years
since our wedding day, & i m more crazy
about you than ever before



french quarter
new orleans
december 22, 1995
for our seventh anniversary


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i didn t know about you 

for penny


when you thought i
didn t care, & that
i would never
understand

what was wrong
between us, it made me so happy
to show you how i knew
i ve been wrong so long 

but i m not too
old to change, nor to learn
to appreciate
how much you mean to me

or to try & make up
for all the wrong i ve done
& put you first for once
in my life oh, now

baby, let me do for you
what you ve done for me so long,
let me put you
above all else,

let me place my faith in you
& please trust me,
baby, don t be afraid,
i won t be wrong no more



after bobby blue  bland
& walter wolfman  washington,
decatur street, new orleans
august 17, 1993


]]> johnsinclair001@hotmail.com (John) I Mean You Sat, 17 Dec 2005 23:33:28 +0000 http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/203-16-qwillow-weep-for-meq.html http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/203-16-qwillow-weep-for-meq.html #34

willow weep for me 

for penny


i know a man who loves you
is a hard thing to give up,
but when the good feeling
is gone, & all you can think of
is how bad things had gotten

& the thought of a future
with the same man
even though he loves you
is a terrifying prospect
because you just don t want him

any more, i know you feel
we ve been through this thing together
too many times
to make it work
if we try it again 

five times we ve been in love
& lived as man & wife,
five times we ve split apart 
five years since we married,
three months since you went away 

now i have to learn to live
without you in my life
though i can t stand to see you go 
i m the man who loves you,
but baby don t want me no more



superior street
detroit
july 26, 1993


]]> johnsinclair001@hotmail.com (John) I Mean You Sat, 17 Dec 2005 23:32:50 +0000 http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/202-15-qbye-yaq.html http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/202-15-qbye-yaq.html #43

bye-ya 

for my daughter sunny
on her 24th birthday


in the middle
of my 50th
year on this planet,
each one of them spent
in the great lake state
of michigan, once & future o-
jibway territory, & my only home

in this world to date 
in this 50th year
it is time
to leave behind the land
of my humble ancestors
& resettle in the southland
of my sunniest dreams 

so let me say my goodbyes
to harrison & clare,
ubly, kinde & port austin,
owosso, wyandotte, berkley & flint,
davison, albion, beloved detroit,
the house of correction,
ann arbor, jackson & marquette 

& while my darling sunny
& my dear mother elsie
must be left behind, & all the family
of my wife's left in detroit,
we re moving out
& heading south, to where the weather
better suits our clothes

& the sunshine we seek
may bring warmth to our bones
& help mend our broken hearts,
where the music that fills up the very air
will heal our aches & pains
& the ancestral spirits of the city
we wish to adopt as our own

may lend us the balm of hope
for our sorely battered temperaments aww,
c mon, baby, it's time for us to go
way down behind the sun
to the land of new orleans 
time to leave all our winters behind
& lift our spirits up to the southern sky



edward blackwell tribute 
riverboat hallelujah
new orleans jazz & heritage festival
may 4, 1991/
harmonie park
detroit
may 25, 1991


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(just one way to say) i love you 

for penny, on our wedding day


you thought this day
would never come,
that we would stand up here
in front of our friends

as husband & wife, ex-
changing vows of fidelity
& connubial bliss, under the cover
of law, & the church

of universal life,
the blessing
that all four
of our daughters could join us

on this first day
of a bright new year,
blue skies & the promise
that what we start right

here, right now will last
even longer than the time
it's taken us to get here, in the 10th
year of our struggle

to make it to the altar,
there's just the one way left
to say i love you
& baby, oh baby, i do!



harmonie park
detroit
january 1, 1989


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boo boo's birthday 

for penny


it was the way you came
back to me
on my birthday last year

& how you started
to go away again
when your own birthday
came around 

what a pair of bozos,
to go through the changes
we went through last year,

to leave each other once more
& stumble around
like a couple of clowns
until we could see the error

of our ways,
& face the music
only the two of us can make 

now i ve passed another birthday,
my 47th, & today
you turn 34, & baby,
i ve never loved you more



harmonie park
detroit
november 1, 1988


]]> johnsinclair001@hotmail.com (John) I Mean You Sat, 17 Dec 2005 23:31:04 +0000 http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/199-12-qall-aloneq.html http://localhost/backup/poetry/72-i-mean-you/199-12-qall-aloneq.html #78

all alone 

for penny


it's 4:30 sunday morning in detroit
& the famous coachman
has just made his change
from the blues to music

with a message, but i m still
stuck here all alone
in my room, chest deep
in the blues 

you re breaking my heart,
the way you leave me
waiting up for you all night
& not even call me, i know you

got to be trying
to discourage my suit
& dampen my ardor, so i m mad
as a wet hen, & feel so bad

just like a ballgame
on a rainy day, all alone
in my little bitty room
going out of my mind,

daffy as a motherfucking duck
to be so deep in love with you 
c mon baby, please send me
some kind of message in the night,

take these blues offa me
& let me make the change
back to you, i can t stand to be alone
without you one more day



harmonie park, detroit
july 24, 1988/
new orleans
december 22, 1995


]]> johnsinclair001@hotmail.com (John) I Mean You Sat, 17 Dec 2005 23:30:32 +0000